Building Rapport

**Disclaimer: This is a long post, but it has some awesome stories!**

Yesterday was my first day back to school after having TWO snow days! What a great start to student teaching! The temperatures were so low on Wednesday and Thursday that it would have been difficult to stand outside or walk anywhere, so I was grateful for the days off. Many students decided not to come to school on Friday because it was still cold outside. Only five of the nine students I work with showed up to first period. My teacher hurt his back so he was unable to come to work which meant that I was in charge of the 8^th graders all by myself! I’m grateful for the support system I have at Belding already. The four 8^th grade team teachers talked with me in the morning to help me navigate through the students’ schedules and to make sure I showed up to the right classrooms. They were testing again today, so the schedule was a little different than the beginning of the week. One of the team teachers had to leave school early, so I became her substitute for one class. At first, I was nervous because I didn’t have anything prepared, and I still didn’t know the students very well. The teachers were very supportive, though, and worked with me throughout the day.

Testing for my students took about 2 hours in the morning. Once they were done, they were allowed to read silently or play games. The four girls decided to sit by me in the reading corner. Here’s some background information on these girls. I'm using pseudonyms to maintain the privacy of my students. One girl, we’ll call her Sarah, has an extreme attitude problem… I was warned about her my first day. She hasn’t liked me since I walked into the classroom. The teachers told me not to take any offense to that because she doesn’t like many authority figures. Another girl, we’ll call her Janice, is the girl that I work with in Reading, so she has been talking to me since the first day of school. I’d like to think she likes to talk to me because we have one really big thing in common: we both love to read. Sarah and Janice are both African American and live in a group/residential home with around ten other girls.  There were two other girls who were sitting with us, we’ll call them Alicia and Nancy. Both Alicia and Nancy are Hispanic and very lively.

Sarah and Janice didn’t seem to mind that I was sitting next to them, listening to their conversation. Sometime after the first five minutes, they included me into the conversation, which definitely surprised me because I didn’t think they’d want to talk with a teacher. We all talked for about two hours. Let me say that this was probably one of the most eye-opening conversations I have had with 13-14 year-olds. They described what their lives were like in the group home, who they lived with, and what their family situations were. Convo number 1: We ended up on the topic of having kids because a girl they know is pregnant… and she’s 15. Sarah began talking about how she can’t wait to have kids and how she already has names picked out. She and Janice plan to have a family before the age of 20. Shocked, I told them that I was 20 and couldn’t even imagine having a child right now, and I asked them why they were thinking about this so early. They looked at me and laughed and said,

“We’re women. We need to have kids or else we’re not serving our purpose on Earth. We have kids young so we can enjoy them and spend time with them. You’ll have a kid at 50, and your baby will be 3 years old. You’ll be too old to even play with him. If you wait too long, you won’t have any kids. Then what? Then there’s no one to be there at your memorial and talk about your legacy. No one can keep your memory alive.”

I was speechless. It took me so long to process what they had just told me. They’re 13 and 14 years old and they have all of this going on in their minds. The teacher in me tried advocating for them to wait until they were at least done with high school and to think about themselves first before thinking about supporting a child. I asked them, “How do you think you’ll support a child at 15? You haven’t finished school, you don’t have a job.” 

Sarah’s response:

“There’s a thing called ‘unemployment checks’ and food stamps. I’ll stand in line and wait for those and support my child. Anything else?”

This was probably the most in-depth conversation I have had with these girls, and I’ve only been there for three days. Throughout the 2 hour conversation, I mostly sat and listened to the girls talk with each other to figure out how I could relate to them and to just get some insight into their lives. Convo number 2: I happened to mention that I watched America’s Next Top Model and loved Tyra Banks, and the girls flipped out because they watched it as well! We talked about who we liked on the show and who we thought deserved to win. Sarah had been quiet until I said that I was glad Keith won. Keith is black. She spoke up and looked so surprised and said, “You like black people?” I looked at her and said, “What makes you think I wouldn’t like black people? You've never even talked with me.” Her response: “You’re boojie, from the upper-class, you look stuck-up because you dress all nice. Of course you wouldn’t like black people.” That’s when Alicia stuck up for me and said,

“Hey, we don’t even know her. She’s been here two days. You can’t judge her like that. It’s like judging a book by its cover. Look at me, I’m Mexican, you might think I crossed the border. Did I? No. Look at Janice, she’s black. You might think she steals. Does she? No. So don’t judge Ms. L because you don’t know her.”

I was so grateful at that moment for Alicia for standing up for me even before I got to talk for myself.

There were other topics we discussed in those 2 hours, but these were the two conversations that stuck out to me the most. When preparing for this student teaching experience, I was aware that the way I grew up would be a lot different than the way many of my students are growing up in Chicago. Our priorities are different, our resources are different, our environments are different. I was glad to have these conversations with the girls because I built rapport with them. They feel comfortable talking with me, and, hopefully, I have helped to get rid of their stereotypes of me. Sarah is more receptive to me and doesn’t hate me as much. Janice, Alicia, and Nancy have a better idea of who I am. I’m hoping that these relationships that I have created will help me throughout my time teaching in the special education classroom. I was glad to learn more about my students and their backgrounds because it helps me to see what their lives are like outside of school. I have to be a culturally-responsive teacher and make sure that I take everything into consideration about my students, both inside and outside of the classroom.